Genuinely, why would you wear a matching shell top and trousers?
Grey smart bootcut trousers = ok
Grey shell sleeveless top = bad
Grey smart bootcut trousers and matching shell sleeveless top = horrendously hideous!
How can I drop hints to the person at work wearing such awful outfits? If I don't soon my eyes will burn or I'll laugh in her face.
Also another girl seems to be wearing less clothes everyday. I'm scared she'll turn up wearing a bikini next week. This is not acceptable as we are professionals and she only looks like a professional hooker. It's not ok and I only hope management suggests she wears some trousers with her tops.
Monday, 31 January 2011
Wednesday, 19 January 2011
The Merits of a Neckerchief
There is a woman at work who, although I don't speak to her often, I find difficult to get on with. You could say our personalities are opposites, or even the only thing we have in common is our job. Then today she decided to wear a red neckerchief...
Now these aren't the most hideous things to grace our fashionable world but it made me wonder... why?
They are too small to provide any warmth and kind of look like they have been shrunk. If she had a cold neck then wear one of the bigger pashmina scarves, they even come in an array of patterns to match outfits and moods. If she was wearing it for decoration then why not a pretty necklace, or a 'statement' necklace. The choices are far more varied than wrapping some old rag around your neck. It almost looked like her husband had tried to gag her (I don't blame him) and it had fallen down!
In conclusion I see no real benefit to these particular items. They're about as useful as the human appendix and largely only appear on Gok Wan makeover shows, where they should stay as far as I'm concerned!!
Now these aren't the most hideous things to grace our fashionable world but it made me wonder... why?
They are too small to provide any warmth and kind of look like they have been shrunk. If she had a cold neck then wear one of the bigger pashmina scarves, they even come in an array of patterns to match outfits and moods. If she was wearing it for decoration then why not a pretty necklace, or a 'statement' necklace. The choices are far more varied than wrapping some old rag around your neck. It almost looked like her husband had tried to gag her (I don't blame him) and it had fallen down!
In conclusion I see no real benefit to these particular items. They're about as useful as the human appendix and largely only appear on Gok Wan makeover shows, where they should stay as far as I'm concerned!!
Tuesday, 18 January 2011
Gypsy Wedding
Having just watched My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding I almost think my brain will explode. Did you see what they were wearing??? I mean, I'm all for tradition and wearing what you want but seriously!
Don't wear something if...
Don't wear something if...
- it takes you many attempts to sit down on a chair and then have your dress cut you.
- you're 8 years old and you are wearing a dress twice your body weight.
- you describe the colour as 'marker pen pink... but brighter' (highlighter pens!).
- it was inspired by the film Coming to America with Eddie Murphy.
- the byline is 'The more you bleed, the better the dress!'
- your take on 'Spanish' is sparkly knickers and bra with dangly bits for the whole family!
If you choose to ignore my advice then you will look like a gypsy. You Have Been Warned!!
 |
| The Happy Couple! |
Monday, 17 January 2011
Is it ok to...
I was at work wondering if it was ok to wear a cheap faux dead animal as a gilet? I would guess no.
Personally I wouldn't wear fur but am willing to say that it can look nice, as can good quality faux fur. But cheap faux fur looks like the crap your hoover picks up and I definitely would not wear that even if you paid me (and I'm poor!) If I can I shall get a picture of what I mean but I will have to be extremely discrete! The woman in questions wonky fringe might catch me out!
Personally I wouldn't wear fur but am willing to say that it can look nice, as can good quality faux fur. But cheap faux fur looks like the crap your hoover picks up and I definitely would not wear that even if you paid me (and I'm poor!) If I can I shall get a picture of what I mean but I will have to be extremely discrete! The woman in questions wonky fringe might catch me out!
Thursday, 13 January 2011
You look like shit... literally
In the past week at work there is a woman who has worn all brown outfits twice! As if once wasn't bad enough. She's fairly young and seems quite nice and as far as I have noticed she doesn't wear glasses but I'm starting to think that perhaps she should!
Not only once but twice! The first consisted of brown trousers and matching waistcoat (I can't believe anyone would buy these together), a light brown t-shirt and shoes and even a brown flower in her hair. Everyone knows, or at least should know that clothes sold with 'matching items' should never ever be worn together. This is especially true of prints. Just buy a dress or a jumpsuit! Although make sure you don't get camel toe on the jumpsuit of course.
The second was a brown skirt and cardigan. The skirt was dark brown the cardigan was mustardy, browny, yellowy, horrible! Should be burnt and destroyed, Immediately!! A colour that imitates something that people take tablets for and stay off work for is highly unlikely to flatter anyone's skin tone is it?
Not only once but twice! The first consisted of brown trousers and matching waistcoat (I can't believe anyone would buy these together), a light brown t-shirt and shoes and even a brown flower in her hair. Everyone knows, or at least should know that clothes sold with 'matching items' should never ever be worn together. This is especially true of prints. Just buy a dress or a jumpsuit! Although make sure you don't get camel toe on the jumpsuit of course.
The second was a brown skirt and cardigan. The skirt was dark brown the cardigan was mustardy, browny, yellowy, horrible! Should be burnt and destroyed, Immediately!! A colour that imitates something that people take tablets for and stay off work for is highly unlikely to flatter anyone's skin tone is it?
Saturday, 8 January 2011
Underwear should be under!
Continuing on an underwear theme I feel that largely it should be kept underneath your clothes. There is the odd exception where a nice basque may be on show, or clothes are made in an 'underwear' style, aka worn to be seen.
This exception however, does not apply to letting your thong rise way above your trousers or skirt. Even worse if it's granny underwear!! No one wants to see it, I've heard the odd chavvy man enjoying this look, but even respectable men think this look is trashy. The purpose of underwear can be to look sexy, feel comfortable or hold you in (Bridget Jones style). If you have sexy underwear then I would guess you will not be wearing any clothes for your thong to pop out of! If it's comfortable then people will not want to see, and therefore why would you want to show it? If it's to hold you in then you definitely don't want anyone to see!
So please, please, please keep your underwear under your clothes. If I wanted to see it down Sainsburys then I would probably want to have sex with you... or I'd have just been let out of a mental home! Keep your thong to yourself!
This exception however, does not apply to letting your thong rise way above your trousers or skirt. Even worse if it's granny underwear!! No one wants to see it, I've heard the odd chavvy man enjoying this look, but even respectable men think this look is trashy. The purpose of underwear can be to look sexy, feel comfortable or hold you in (Bridget Jones style). If you have sexy underwear then I would guess you will not be wearing any clothes for your thong to pop out of! If it's comfortable then people will not want to see, and therefore why would you want to show it? If it's to hold you in then you definitely don't want anyone to see!
So please, please, please keep your underwear under your clothes. If I wanted to see it down Sainsburys then I would probably want to have sex with you... or I'd have just been let out of a mental home! Keep your thong to yourself!
Wednesday, 5 January 2011
Gym-Bra-Ree
Much like everyone else I'm back to the gym after a few weeks of binge eating chocolate, mince pies, turkey etc. I noticed today as I was working my way through the 'weight loss' programme on the cross trainer that there was an older lady next to me. I'll guess 50 - 60 as I didn't look at her face for too long.
The reason I didn't look at her face is because I was practically dodging out the way of her saggy boobs that were flying all over the place! She wasn't wearing a bra!!!! Surely if you choose not to wear one daily, (but why would you), you would make sure you have one at the gym! It's just good sense, not only for yourself but for the poor people around you. No?
Also they were so wild and saggy that I'm surprised she didn't get nipple rash on her thighs! I did consider telling her but I figured she knew her boobs were disgusting. How could she not!?
I used to work as a bra fitter in a department store and I seriously advise all of my friends, family and colleagues to wear proper fitting bras as I have seen what happens when you don't. Trust me, It's worth the money for a bra that fits! And when an 80 something woman comes in and asks for a nice black push up bra, "Those ones with chickens and air", after a lifetime of letting them sag then the results aren't pretty. In fact, they're vile. I was hungover on a such a day and nearly vomited in the fitting rooms.
In conclusion...
Saggy boobs = disgusting for everyone!!
A bra that fits = joy for everyone!!
And wouldn't you rather spread joy than disgust?
The reason I didn't look at her face is because I was practically dodging out the way of her saggy boobs that were flying all over the place! She wasn't wearing a bra!!!! Surely if you choose not to wear one daily, (but why would you), you would make sure you have one at the gym! It's just good sense, not only for yourself but for the poor people around you. No?
Also they were so wild and saggy that I'm surprised she didn't get nipple rash on her thighs! I did consider telling her but I figured she knew her boobs were disgusting. How could she not!?
I used to work as a bra fitter in a department store and I seriously advise all of my friends, family and colleagues to wear proper fitting bras as I have seen what happens when you don't. Trust me, It's worth the money for a bra that fits! And when an 80 something woman comes in and asks for a nice black push up bra, "Those ones with chickens and air", after a lifetime of letting them sag then the results aren't pretty. In fact, they're vile. I was hungover on a such a day and nearly vomited in the fitting rooms.
In conclusion...
Saggy boobs = disgusting for everyone!!
A bra that fits = joy for everyone!!
And wouldn't you rather spread joy than disgust?
Tuesday, 4 January 2011
Happy New Year Girls... I think?
Happy New Year
Hopefully a new year will bring better dressed people... perhaps not!
New Years Eve in London, full of fireworks, sparkle, cocktails, hot men and women and some ... er ... people of an unknown gender.
I mean this not in an unkind way (well not horrible anyway) but I just don't understand. If you are a man, dress like one. If you are a woman, dress like one. I know there are cross overs - trousers, jeans, cardigans etc but male trousers should look as such and likewise with women.
There we were in the middle of the dance floor and, fair enough I'd had a few rum and cokes, but there were two people who we genuinely couldn't tell the gender of. They may have been men or women, transsexuals, cross-dressers but we just didn't know!! We also think they were a couple the way they were acting, hand holding and standing very close to each other. Does this raise the issue of sexuality... ?
Then on New Years Day whilst watching t4 in my pj's (mandatory for New Years) the two presenters were practically wearing identical outfits, bar the colours, and matching haircuts. Can anyone explain the homogenous fashion? I'm all for dressing in jeans, and have nothing against anyone wanting to dress like another gender due to whatever reasons, even 'feminine men' or 'masculine women'. But PLEASE make sure it is clear what gender you are or would like to be. This middle area is bizarre to me and frankly I would never dress genderless!!
Hopefully a new year will bring better dressed people... perhaps not!
New Years Eve in London, full of fireworks, sparkle, cocktails, hot men and women and some ... er ... people of an unknown gender.
I mean this not in an unkind way (well not horrible anyway) but I just don't understand. If you are a man, dress like one. If you are a woman, dress like one. I know there are cross overs - trousers, jeans, cardigans etc but male trousers should look as such and likewise with women.
There we were in the middle of the dance floor and, fair enough I'd had a few rum and cokes, but there were two people who we genuinely couldn't tell the gender of. They may have been men or women, transsexuals, cross-dressers but we just didn't know!! We also think they were a couple the way they were acting, hand holding and standing very close to each other. Does this raise the issue of sexuality... ?
Then on New Years Day whilst watching t4 in my pj's (mandatory for New Years) the two presenters were practically wearing identical outfits, bar the colours, and matching haircuts. Can anyone explain the homogenous fashion? I'm all for dressing in jeans, and have nothing against anyone wanting to dress like another gender due to whatever reasons, even 'feminine men' or 'masculine women'. But PLEASE make sure it is clear what gender you are or would like to be. This middle area is bizarre to me and frankly I would never dress genderless!!
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